We had a wonderful day at the WEM waterpark, Blaine the kids and I. On our way home we ordered pizza and brought it dad's to have supper with him. Supper was good and the kids enjoyed teasing Opa. It reminded me right away of the supper we had together when you decided enough was enough and you checked yourself out of the University hospital. You were so overjoyed to have us over for dinner that you cried. When we were done eating dad asked if I could pack up your jewellery and clothes. This was the third time he asked so although I was not ready, I had to accept the fact that he was. After we were done he threw around the idea of moving the living room furniture around so he could look out the window better.
When we got home that night with your belongings in tow I was hit with the realization that I was not angry with God but I was now angry with dad. For the last few months he refused to go down stairs for supper and sometimes lunch as well. You and I both noticed that he stopped shaving and the way he treated you sometimes made me uncomfortable and upset. Now, just like that he is going down for not only breakfast and lunch but for supper as well. Just like that he is hanging up his pictures and rearranging his furniture. After putting the kids to bed I went upstairs to take a hot bath. Even that didn't take my sorrow away. Nothing was working so I reached for your bible and searched your markings for something.
After flipping through I finally stopped in 2 Samuel and began to read about David and Bathsheba. I read how he noticed Bathsheba, called for her, and slept with her even though she was a married woman. To make all matters worse he commanded his men to put her husband closer to the enemy lines so that he would die. When Bathsheba was left as a widow and she gave birth to David's son God showed David that what he did was wrong. God said that the baby would not live. David prayed endlessly for his baby. He fasted and prayed and didn't care about himself. When the baby was seven days old he died and David immediately cleaned himself up, ate and went on with life. Everyone questioned how he could just go from one extreme to the next. He said ... "I pleaded for my sons life but God did not make him better. I can not bring my son back but I can see him again ...."
When I got to this part I could see clearly. I completely understood. We don't know what was going through dad's head when you were sick just like he doesn't know what was going through mine. You were up endlessly during the night and that had to have been difficult on him. You slept all day, while he sat in his chair. He knew, like we all knew that you had little to no strength to get up let alone go down to eat. I remembered how you always said that I was just like my father and Oma. I thought about that and realized that when someone I love is sick I feel out of control. I get angry because I don't want to see them suffer. It also dawned on me that just days before Blaine came into the living room, took one look around and said ... "oh, I guess we are rearranging the living room." I too needed change.
He has placed a picture of you and him right in front of a glass rose on the t.v stand. When it is just the two of us he looks at that picture and says "Look at a that special couple! ..."
I am no longer angry with Dad.
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