For months my mind would take me down horrible paths where mom was at her worst. The times she fell in the bathroom and I was the only one dad would call. The time where Blaine and I showed up before the Emergency Gala and she was so out of it that she couldn't even stay awake to carry on a conversation with us. Or the last time she was in the hospital, only moments before she passed away. For some reason every time my mind would go there I would let it and re live it over and over and over again.
It took time and coaxing from Blaine before I finally locked those pictures in a closet somewhere in the depths of my brain and opened new doors filled with happier memories. It was when I did that, that I started dreaming of her. Oh how I love her visits in my dreams. They are usually very short visits and not always good. I recently had a dream where she was scolding me. I didn't wake up very pleasant that morning. Blaine can agree with that. Last night was the best visit of all though. Please don't think I am a quack and that I "see" dead people. :) It was only when writing this that I refer to them as visits. I will explain why, or rather you will soon understand but first let me catch you up on how last night came about.
On Thursday morning at 6:00am Blaine pulled out of our driveway on his motorbike. All that he took was enough gear to get him through a 4 day adventure, across the border, down twisty roads, and through the mountains with 17 guys and their treasured possessions. So, for the last 3 days I have cleaned, purged, and organized. I thought of him often and had a hard time falling asleep without him by my side. Last night I especially struggled since I had my airbrakes course early this morning. It was nearly 11:00pm when I finally began to fall asleep.
As I laid in bed, my eyes closed, my breathing steady, sleep nearer and nearer, I was transported to the living room at the acreage. As I looked towards moms chair I heard her laughter and there she was, sitting in her fav. chair, still in her p.j's and a smile on her face. She laughed and said how glad she was that I was able to stop in for a visit. I can't quite remember what we said but the conversation was long and filled with laughter. She asked me how I was doing and talked about her birds and how she enjoys watching them. The craziest part was that the whole time I was aware that I was not fully asleep. Tears began to stream down my cheeks. My breath was caught in my throat. I willed her to stay. She stayed, and continued to talk and laugh with me. Soon though, she was gone as quickly as she came.
As I laid in my bed, my pillow wet with tears I remembered the last course that I was in. I resigned halfway through the course because mom had passed away only 2 days before. Perhaps that is why my mind lead me to this precious visit. God knew that without Blaine by my side, I needed my mom more than ever.
It doesn't end there though. My alarm was set for 5:15am but before it went off my dad and I were driving down the Buford road with a beautiful winter wonderland surrounding us. As I looked out to the side, past my dad driving There was my mom, trudging down a snowing path with three of her greatest friends. She smiled again and said "I know, I know, don't always rush me." She then looked at me with a sarcastic expression like she usually did when Dad rushed her. :) I immediately woke up and realized it was 5:08. I would wake up any morning before my alarm with a visit as precious as that one.
